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No Subject here...
Nov. 10th, 2009 | 12:46 pm
Do you snack while you read? If so, favorite reading snack?
no, not usually. If I do I make sure its something that's not messy.
Do you tend to mark your books as you read, or does the idea of writing in books horrify you?
Aaaaaugaaahagh!!! No writing in the books evAr! If it was intended to be there, the author would have PUT IT THERE!
How do you keep your place while reading a book? Bookmark? Dog-ears? Laying the book flat open?
I try to remember the page/ chapter number where I stopped. But if not i usually bookmark it. Or if I'm just going to be gone for a second, I'll lay it open with like my phone or something marking the page. I try not to lay it belly down.
Fiction, Non-fiction, or both?
I'm a fiction type guy
Hard copy or audiobooks?
Hard copy, deff.
Are you a person who tends to read to the end of chapters, or are you able to put a book down at any point?
I try to read to the chapter end, but sometimes that's difficult at which point I'll try to find a point where the text reaches a good stopping point on an easy to remember page number, or until it reaches a good stopping point where the paragraph ends at the end of a page.
If you come across an unfamiliar word, do you stop to look it up right away?
I can usually get an idea from context clues
What are you currently reading?
Right now, nothing. I just finished Frank Millers' The Dark Knight Returns
What is the last book you bought?
The Dark Knight Returns ;)
Are you the type of person that only reads one book at a time or can you read more than one at a time?
Usually I'm a one at a time dude, but I have been known to be in really reading moods where I'll have a book I rush through and simultaneously have one I snail through.
Do you have a favorite time of day and/or place to read?
Whenever I have the time to read. I have to pretty much dedicate a full day to it.
Do you prefer series books or stand alone books?
Stand alone ones are fine, but if its good and they decide it needs to be a series, more power to them :D
Is there a specific book or author that you find yourself recommending over and over?
Not really.
How do you organize your books? (By genre, title, author’s last name, etc.?)
not particularly, If I have several things of a genre, I'll try to group them. Definitely put series books together, and I try to keep authors together. but honestly, my book collection doesnt have much of a way to organize itself
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The Fab's Rules to Surviving in the Modern World
Oct. 29th, 2009 | 02:37 pm
The Fab's Rules to Surviving in the Modern World
Rule 1: Never EVER eat the yellow snow. This should be a given by now.
Rule 2: Older generations will never understand the younger generation's taste in music.
Rule 3: Hockey is the closest thing to Futurama's “blernsball” the real world will ever achieve. This makes it awesome on principle. http://theinfosphere.org/Blernsball
Rule 4: Everyone thinks that their baby is beautiful. NEVER inform them otherwise.
Rule 5: “Blatherskite” is the most awkward semi-in-use word in the English language.
Rule 6: Men are destined to be obsessed with breasts. Women are destined to never understand this obsession.
Rule 7: Behind every great man stands a great woman who is the source of his strength. Likewise, behind every great woman is delicious chocolate. At the end of the day, a chocolate bar is what makes the world go round. Go share chocolate with someone you love for the good of humanity.
Rule 8: The “local computer expert” that you always call up to fix your computer so you won't have to call customer service knows little more about how they work than you do. They are just willing to take more risks to make it look like they know what they're doing.
Rule 9: The Game
Rule 10: Only Ninjas can win The Game. Everyone else is destined to lose.
Rule 11: Despite what everyone refuses to believe. Walt Disney was little more than a famous fanfic writer.
Rule 12: Anonymity is the greatest protection. It is also the face of the internet.
Rule 13: Even Anonymous cannot hide from the Twilight fans.
Rule 14: Vampires are not real. Even if they were real, they most certainly WOULD NOT SPARKLE, per se.
Rule 15: Despite what the media claims about themselves, the most fair, balanced, and unbiased news is found on Comedy Central.
Rule 16: One day the Zombie apacalypse (or Z-Day) will happen. Regardless of how many movies we've seen, or how many “plans of action” we make, it will take us completely by surprise and no one will know what to do.
Rule 17: The lizard people theory is the most ridiculous theory ever conceived by mankind. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke#R
Rule 18: The Religion vs Atheism war should team up together against a common enemy that they both agree has no upsides. Scientology.
Rule 19: Golf is the most lazy, easy going and yet simultaneously frustratingly hard and aneurysm inducing sport on the planet.
Rule 20: Bible fights are not as amusing as expected.
Rule 22: There is no Rule 21.
Rule 23: Anything can be perverted into a sex joke.
Rule 24: When meeting her dad for the first time, ALWAYS have your escape route planned ahead of time.
Rule 25: Despite popular belief, sex is not the only thing on his mind.
Rule 26: However, it does occupy a great deal of time.
Rule 27: After all, he has two major organs and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Rule 28: There is no superior sex. Both are inferior.
Rule 29: Steven Colbert could rule the world if he set his mind to it.
Rule 30: Never underestimate the power of procrastination.
Rule 31: Relativism is BS...according to my frame of reference.
Rule 32: Despite what you may think, list based humor is high brow entertainment. http://www.cracked.com/
Rule 33: Never piss off a doctor.
Rule 34: Rule 34. No exceptions.
Rule 35: In the realm of movies there are classics (which suck), great movies (that have horrible reviews), decent movies (that are under advertised and flop in the box office), bad movies (that rack in millions of dollars on the 20th sequel that no longer has anything to do with the original story), poor movies (that are so bad they're actually amusing), terrible movies (that are so bad they've surpassed the amusing level and are just painful to watch) and Ed Wood movies (which are SO BAD they become classics). The moral of this story is that movie critics are idiots.
Rule 36: If actions speak louder than words, then what makes the pen mightier than the sword?
Rule 37: A man who has ideas that could literally solve all the world's problems will be ignored and ridiculed for making simple grammatical errors. While a man ten times as evil as super-robot-vampire-zombie Hitler will be ushered into a position of global leadership because “He talks good”.
Rule 38: I'm willing to bet at least 25% of readers noticed I misspelled “apocalypse” in Rule 16 and couldn't fully enjoy the rest of the list because of it. 10% ignored it and went on. 68% didn't even notice. 60% of that 68% went back and checked Rule 16 to make sure. Finally, that same super anal original 25% is now also pissed at me for using bad mathematics in calculating my percentages.
Rule 39: Yet again, those super anal OCD people are pissed at me for going all the way to 39, but not making it an even 40.
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Oh holy crap its a survey!
Sep. 26th, 2009 | 11:43 am
I don't take surveys that i havent already read someone else post....and you're not really that personal.....get over yourself LJ survey!
Could you handle being married to the last person you texted?
Well, its not illegal to be married to her, so i technically could. However, I don't think its hugely likely
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Still the same....cause I'm a MAN!
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Actually yes. Its been a good morning thus far.
When were you on the phone last? And with who?
I wasn't talking to anyone, but I had an extensive text conversation with Whitney.
What are you excited for?
My 21st birthday...wOOt!
What were you doing yesterday?
class, grocery shopping, and then crap...lots and lots of crap trying to find something to alleviate my boredom
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
my mom
What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
water
Have a best friend?
strangely enough, yes
Are you scared to fall in love?
Not. at. all.
Do you think teenagers can be in love?
I'll admit its rare, but I'm a walking talking example that it can happen.
Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Titty, the fire alarm douche...before we found out it was a mechanical malfunction...and then the fire department
What time is it right this second?
11:52:37
What do you want right now?
Anything to get me out of the room and hanging out with my friends
Who was the last person you took a picture with?
My extended family at the reunion
When was the last time you cried?
I honestly can't remember :)
Do you find it hard to trust others?
Yes, quite so.
How fast does your mind change?
not terribly often
I bet you miss somebody right now.
How much are we talking about betting here? Ah, what do I care, I'd lose that one anyway...yeah.
Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
yeah, Im doing well today. overall, "okay" is a good word for it.
Why do you think so many people cheat?
Because many people cant be happy with what they have or take it for granted. There are extenuating circumstances that might drive someone to cheat, however it doesnt excuse their actions. I think it mostly stems from a lack of commitment.
Tell me what's on your mind?
What to have for lunch.
What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
The possibility of tennis this afternoon
New House
The first of the month so I'll have money again
Halloween
My birthday
Thanksgiving break
Christmas break
End of the semester
Christmas
When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
On Myspace? really?
When is your next road trip?
im gonna visit home sometime in Oct
Do you think somebody's in love with you?
I dunno,probably not. I'd hope that if they were, they'd let me know.
What are you planning on doing after this?
grab a shower
Next time you will kiss someone?
probably my mom when i go home
Have you told anybody you loved them today?
not to them, but i've thought about it today
You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed.
.....go on
Whens the last time you had grilled cheese?
I don't remember...I'm not the hugest grilled cheese fan
What's your favorite boy and girl name right now?
boy-Jayden Girl- Valaria
Do you crack your knuckles?
yeah
What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
in the middle of sending a text ESSAY to whitney because she made the unfortunate mistake of asking me to define "love"
What are your LEGAL initials?
DCD best initials ever
Whos the first B in your contacts?
Barbados Slim (Nick Hoad)
Are you afraid of the dark?
no, I love the dark
Do you have good vision?
terrible...except in the dark
Have you ever tripped someone?
Not on purpose
Have you ever slapped someone?
not for real-real, just for play-play
Do you have any scars?
several
Do you miss the way things used to be?
More often than I'd like to admit
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yes.
Will tomorrow be better than today?
possibly
Are you a naturally happy person? or is the happiness forced?
I wouldn't say that I'm naturally happy, however, I also wouldn't say that I'm naturally pessemistic either.
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As promised, the_fabs writes a porno...
Sep. 22nd, 2009 | 10:28 pm
mood: 
weird
music: Muse- The Resistance
THE SPACE PLUMBER FROM OUTER SPACE WHO HAS LOTS OF SEX WITH LOTS OF LOOSE WOMEN PART 7
SCENE 1: The one in which a phone call is made and the characters are introduced....poorly
(After opening credits, screen fades to black. Spotlight shines on telephone which starts ringing. SPACE PLUMBER WILLY McDONG receives a phone call from MYSTERIOUS STRANGER WHO SOUNDS PRETTY HOTT. WILLY's hand is seen answering phone. Zoom on WILLY's chin stubble as he talks into phone receiver.)
MYSTERIOUS STRANGER (on phone): Have I reached the Space Plumbers Legion of Orthodox Galactic Entrepreneurs?
WILLY: Yes, this is SPLoOGE. How can I help you ma'am?
MYSTERIOUS STRANGER: I'm afraid my pipes are a bit clogged and need some professional expertise. Oh, you must help me. I'm so helpless and feminine.
WILLY: Nothing to worry about ma'am. I'M ON IT! (WILLY slams phone down and silhouette is seen grabbing cliché film noir hat and flasher-style coat off of rack as he exits his office door. Fade to black.)
(WILLY arrives at the address that he apparently learned telepathically and knocks on the door. STRANGER opens it wearing a plain white t-shirt that barely covers her breasts, a pair of circulation banishing jeans and like...12” heels...heels are hot right?)
WILLY: I appreciate a woman with nice knockers.
STRANGER: Excuse me?
WILLY: Your door knockers. Classy.
STRANGER: Oh. OH! Yes, of course....knockers. I thought you meant- never mind. You're the plumber right?
WILLY: At your service, miss.
STRANGER: Won't you please come in?
(STRANGER leads WILLY through the house into the kitchen making sure to pass the bedroom and cellophane covered couch on the way.)
STRANGER: Here's the clog. Under the sink.
WILLY: I see ma'am.
STRANGER: Oh, you can stop calling me ma'am. You can call me SLUTTANY, SLUTTANY von SLUTSLUT.
WILLY: Well then, SLUTTANY. I guess we should take a look at those pipes. Why don't you bend over seductively and show me exactly where you need me to work.
SLUTTANY(formerly STRANGER for those playing the home game): (bends over seductively) Oh right about here... (starts rubbing sink piping...seductively)
WILLY: I see. Well this looks like a job for my pipe snake. (Throws hat off screen and slowly opens flasher coat towards SLUTTANY.)
SLUTTANY: OH MY!
(pan to front of WILLY where we see his extensively equipped utility tool belt. WILLY removes pipe snake from belt and shoves it in and out of sink drain. ~seductively~ WILLY then takes Drain-O off of belt and starts rubbing bottle over his nipples making "O-face". He then pours Drain-O into drain in short. seductive. bursts...seductively)
WILLY: There. You're clog is magically fixed by my innuendos. Now about my payment.
SLUTTANY: Oh my! It appears in my bimbo ignorance I called a plumber forgetting that I was completely broke and had totally no way of payment! Isn't there ~something~ we can work out? I mean, after all, you're so good with your hands and the way you handled that pipe snake caused me to...how shall we say this? Spring a leak in the basement... (SLUTTANY bats eyelashes SEDUCTIVELY!)
WILLY: Well, now that you mention it, I do have some pipes that need to be cleaned, and I'm sure you've got some more "work" for me to do.
(SLUTTANY takes WILLY by the tool belt and drags him to the cello-couch making sure to grab the lube Drain-O on the way. Budget several cuts of this scene for SLUTTANY tripping in her gargantuanly unrealistic heels. Due to limited budgets, the "ooh" and "aah" sound effects must be taken from the old 80's sitcom reels. They do the sex furiously like starving hedgehogs.)
*SEX HAPPENS*
(Afterwards, WILLY looks down on SLUTTANY [literally and figuratively{just like her father! BAM!}])
WILLY: Well, ma'am, looks like my work here is done. (WILLY ignores tools and clothes but puts back on his flasher coat and cliche hat. He leaves.
SLUTTANY returns to kitchen and goes to wash dishes in the nude as all women tend to do only to discover that her sink is still clogged.)
SLUTTANY: Son of a bitch....
SCENE 2: The one in which more sexually misguided hijinx ensue
(WILLY stops for a burger at McSEXJOKE.)
WILLY: I'll have a number 3, extra spicy.
VIRGINA THE WAITRESS(no its not misspelled): Would you like a shake with that for no extra charge?
WILLY: Sure.
VIRGINA: That'll be a dollar and fifty cents.
WILLY: Wow, the food here is really cheap.
VIRGINA: The food's not the only thing that's cheap and dirty and used and cries herself to sleep every night.
WILLY: What?
VIRGINA: And what do y'know? The prices seem to be dropping...just like my uniform!
WILLY: What're you-?
(Greasy fast food restaurant counter sex ensues. WILLY is momentarily bewildered but soon realizes he's getting laid and just kinda goes with it. He doesn't even seem to mind when a random patron in the restaurant leaves his family at the table and joins in. He doesn't even care when another guy climbs through the drive-thru to get in on the action.)
*SEX HAPPENS*
WILLY: Sorry, I thought you ordered extra sauce...
(Afterwards, WILLY grabs his food which he apparently psychicly ordered to go along with his coat and hat as he walks out of the restraunt.
VIRGINA, still nude as people line up to have their orders taken [as most female fast food workers tend to do their jobs] realizes that WILLY failed to pay.)
VIRGINA: Son of a bitch...
SCENE 3: The one in which surprisingly little sex happens, but is rather story intensive to make it look like this actually has a plot...did we mention its also rather short?
(WILLY gets a call on his car phone [yes a car phone, not a cell phone, but a car phone. Budget cuts, people!])
WILLY: What is it BOSS?
BOSS: Dammit WILLY, you skipped a line! How the hell is your character supposed to know its me yet?
WILLY: Oh, sorry. Who is this?
BOSS: It's your boss, MR BOSS.
WILLY: What is it BOSS?
BOSS: There, now doesn't that make more sense?
WILLY: Yes sir. Sorry sir.
BOSS: WILLY, I've got a big job for you. Apparently the entirely sexy female population of the planet Freakysexchick-iter are in a bit of a bind. You see, the FREAKY SEX CHICKS who occupy it have major plumbing problems, but unfortunately, their plumbing is totally penis activated. Since the planet is inhabited completely by sexy females, I'm sure you can see where the problems come in.
WILLY: What am I supposed to do BOSS?
BOSS: Go to Freakysexchick-iter and reactivate the plumbing by systematically banging it into submission like a rabid wolverine with a toothache!
WILLY: Sir, that doesn't make any sense at all. What kind of idiot would make a penis activated plumbing system on a planet inhabited entirely by women? That's just retarded.
BOSS: Did I mention the chicks were hot, desperate, and have been deprived of a man for decades despite the fact that that would bring the population growth to a jerking halt and raise much bigger problems than their stupidly designed plumbing?
WILLY: I'M ON IT!
(WILLY slams down car phone.)
BOSS: Oh and one more thing- Son of a bitch...
SCENE 4: The one in which the sex returns in glutenous amounts to make up for the last scene.
FUTURISTIC INAPPROPRIATELY VOICED ON-STAR GPS TYPE THINGY: Planet Freakysexchick-iter is in sight. Preparing landing gear.
WILLY: Very good.
FIVOSGPSTT: I love you...
WILLY: Hahaha! You're a machine! You can't have random, unprotected sex with several anonymous partners at grossly unrealistic events! Silly machine, you thought you knew what love was!
(WILLY gets out of space car and slams door)
FIVOSGPSTT: *sob*
AUTOMATED SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE WITH NO APPARENT PURPOSE: *switches on* beep!
FIVOSGPSTT: Son of a bitch...
(Cut to WILLY entering the office of the FREAKY SEX QUEEN.)
SEX QUEEN: Thank goodness you've arrived, WILLY McDONG! You're reputation as a supreme space plumber/ sexer-upper is legendary all over the galaxy! Please save my people from our crisis and you shall be ~handsomely~ rewarded....with massive amounts of boobage.
WILLY: Sweeeeeeeet.....Where do I start?
SEX QUEEN: Right here!
(SEX QUEEN points to a mechanical monstrosity that is very cold and mechanical and machine like and not sexy in the least. She then points to the penis hole.)
SEX QUEEN: Well? What are you waiting for?
WILLY: *Is disappoint*
WILLY's PENIS: *is flaccid*
SEX QUEEN: Oh dear! How silly of me! I forgot to activate it!
(SEX QUEEN flips switch causing spikes and several sharp, pointy, not comfortably and DEFINITELY NOT SEXY things to pop up all over the machine.)
WILLY: *cries*
WILLY's PENIS: *retreats into body cavity*
WILLY's MAGICALLY TALKING TESTICLES WHO HAVE MADE NO APPEARANCE THUS FAR: Who the HELL designed this thing?!
SEX QUEEN: Oh my! Does my sexy, scantily-clad bimbo-ness know no bounds? This is the AC repair unit! This is the plumbing repair unit!
(SEX QUEEN disrobes ~iSEDUCTIVELY!~ displaying the...uh...recepticle...yeah....)
WILLY: This somehow magically fixes all your plumbing problems...?
(SEX QUEEN removes her bra)
WILLY: I'M ON IT!
WILLY's PENIS: *jumps off of the psychiatrist's couch and suits up for work*
WILLY'S MAGICALLY TALKING TESTICLES: Hot damn!
(Steamy, plumbing repair sex takes place)
*SEX HAPPENS*
SEX QUEEN: Thank you for saving my people by fixing our plumbing....somehow.
WILLY: Not a problem, ma'am. Just doing my job.
(WILLY pulls a spare space car capsule out of his coat pocket [using up our entire budget in special effects in the process] and flys off.
~2 weeks later~
(SEX QUEEN's office phone rings)
SEX QUEEN: Hello?
WILLY: (on car phone) Hey, just thought you should know, I found out I have crabs. You should probably get checked. Especially since you're apparently the plumbing system for your entire planet....somehow.
EVERY FREAKY SEX CHICK ON THE PLANET: SON OF A BITCH!!!
FIN
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No Subject here...
Sep. 19th, 2009 | 08:59 pm
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Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend by Tristan Miller
Sep. 7th, 2009 | 11:08 pm
Why don't I have a girlfriend?
This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person? Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women?" When all other plausible explanations have been discounted, most fall back on the time-honoured conclusion that "there must be Something Wrong™ with me" before resigning themselves to lives of perpetual chastity.[2]
Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women. While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.
Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.
That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations[3] in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000[4]
We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile (WP/98). Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
…who are female: 2 941 118 000[5]
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.
…in "developed" countries: 605 601 000[5]
We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083[4][5]
Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in WP/98 are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have
39\,560\,000 \times \frac{\left| 21 - 18 \right| + 1}{\left| 19 - 15 \right| + 1} = 31\,648\,000.
Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now
215\,073\,000 \times \frac{\left| 25 - 22 \right| + 1}{\left| 44 - 20 \right| + 1} = 34\,411\,680
females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;[6] thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.
…who are beautiful: 1 487 838
Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.[7] Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is
\frac{1}{2} - \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{2} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~0.022\,75
and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.
…and intelligent: 236 053
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further
\frac{1}{2} + \frac{1}{\sqrt{2 \pi}} \cdot \int_{0}^{1} e^{-\frac{1}{2}z^2} dz~\approx~84.1345\%
of the population must be discounted.
…and not already committed: 118 027
I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.
…and also might like me: 18 726
Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.
Conclusion
It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late 1970s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.
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No Subject here...
Sep. 2nd, 2009 | 02:16 pm
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No Subject here...
Aug. 8th, 2009 | 01:20 am
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bleh-meh
Jun. 17th, 2009 | 11:35 pm
Play me out Natalie! I can't be upset while looking at that pic :)
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No Subject here...
May. 2nd, 2009 | 12:24 am
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*SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!*
Apr. 30th, 2009 | 01:40 pm
There are few things I can do really well, but buying and selling books is definitely one of them ^_^ I just got back from selling back my books because I figured at this point any information I would need for finals should be in my notes or found online somewhere. All in all I made $187.50 Now that's exciting considering yesterday I had less than $8 to my name, but its also exciting because that's within $20 from what I paid for them in the first place! In fact, one of the books that I bought off of a random guy trying to sell it actually got me MORE THAN WHAT I PAID FOR IT! Suffice to say, I'm happy and think I'm gonna treat myself to some good eats tonight! ^_^
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Let the Music Play
Apr. 30th, 2009 | 12:32 am
So due to peer pressure to update....which seems to be happening a lot lately >:-| (see that? That's my serious face)
anyway, the point is Lara hates music theory and really wants sweet tea...and I support that decision. I really wanna watch team america now :-\
Well I totally bought a 30" charcoal grill today for $25 *squeeeee* We're gonna have a cookout this weekend and not a moment too soon, either. Its heading summer-ways and my grilling gene has kicked in in full force. Allow me to tempt you with our luscious menu:
hamburgers and hotdogs are a staple
Mackenzie's making potato salad
grilled beer bratwurst YUM!
and im gonna try my hand at grilled stuffed peppers :D I'm really excited about this one. We're gonna stuff it up with ground beef, rice, and cheese :D :D :D wow, that makes my mouth water just thinking about it. I can't wait till the weekend >_<
::Scene Change::
Since my lovely better half has taken the time in her recent posts, I shall return the favor. Lara is one of the sweetest girls I know. She's an amazing person and makes me feel just great about myself and my life in general...something I haven't felt in a *loooooooong* time. Baby, you are ~wonderful~ I can't tell you how happy I am that we're together. You are funny, smart, extremely talented, and a ~super-duper cutie ;) *muah* love ya babe, and cant wait for the BEACH TRIP!!!112!
Play us out Marvin!
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Deal LJ...
Apr. 26th, 2009 | 10:44 pm
I want you to know that you take up way too much of my time......stop it! ugh.... in other news we were gonna go play tennis tonight but for some reason the power was cut for the lights so we couldn't see >.< disheartened, we head back to the appartment to find that theres a miniature fight club taking place behind our building. I've been craving mcdonalds like crazy lately so we head over to mcD's and grab some burgers, mcchickens, and mcflurries (P.S. mcchicken + mcflurry = win) so we get back and all pile into my room to watch the fight through the window.....twas an interesting night...BTW, I'm downloading Darkwing Duck right now. Its EPIC!!!
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Deal LJ...
Apr. 26th, 2009 | 10:36 pm
I want you to know that you take up way too much of my time......stop it! ugh.... in other news we were gonna go play tennis tonight but for some reason the power was cut for the lights so we couldn't see >.< disheartened, we head back to the appartment to find that theres a miniature fight club taking place behind our building. I've been craving mcdonalds like crazy lately so we head over to mcD's and grab some burgers, mcchickens, and mcflurries (P.S. mcchicken + mcflurry = win) so we get back and all pile into my room to watch the fight through the window.....twas an interesting night...
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*le gasp* ze livejournal 'as been updated!
Apr. 23rd, 2009 | 08:46 pm
I'm sitting in mah livingroom watching some friends play halo 3, and aaron and mackenzie having an epic s-video cable battle.....don't ask. Everybody seems about to bail...BUT SHALL RETURN FOR OUR WEEKLY EPIC KROD MANDOON VIEWING! YAAAAAY! I dunno if any of you guys have seen Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire, but its EPIC. Hilariously, its almost exactly like a group of us playing D&D hahaha... I'm gonna give you a play by play of what's happening to my feet right now.......nothing. Well that wasn't very exciting at all. So anyway, I'm ready for this semester to be over with so I can go home and chill with the fam, do some work other than school work, maybe get a few $$$ MONIES $$$ , and see mah BAYBAY! <3 you girl.
YOU HAPPY NOW FITZ YOU BASTARD?!?!
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curses....got tagged
Apr. 22nd, 2009 | 12:14 am
my laptop
my tv
my PS2
my stereo
my dvd player (i just realized I'm apparently staring at the electronics corner)
02. What is your favorite pick-me-up movie?
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
03. Is there anything in your fridge right now that you would never eat/drink?
uh....a bunch of stuff that's not mine :-\ if that counts
04. What's your occupation?
Playa
05. Do you nap a lot?
I never nap....I do all my sleepin at once
06. What was your first celebrity crush?
I don't remember my first, my longest running is Natalie :D
07. What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
The upcoming Marvel movies that are leading up to an Avengers epic....I'm such a geek
08. What are you listening to right now?
a pizza commercial on the telly
09. What food could you eat every day for weeks and not get sick of?
mexican/italian.....mostly mexican
10. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
Gmail and FB
11. What was the last thing you bought?
BACON!!!
12. What was the cutest thing you've seen today?
Laaaaaaara's profile pic :D
13. Does the weather affect your mood?
</3 rain 14. Favorite hobby(ies)? movies 15. What are you craving? seeing a certain soooooomebody <_< 16. Weird dream? you have NO idea.... 17. What book are you currently reading? sadly nothing 18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now? Hey sweet thang, lemme buy you a fish sammich! 19. What are your plans for next weekend? sadly, probably nothing 20. Say something about the person who tagged you: HAAAAAAAAY GIRL!!!! *WAVES* Tags: Geez, I gotta tag 8?! uuuuhhh......lets see. Mindy, Katie, Lara(even though I know she's already been tagged), .....*has to look at friends list for more ppl ;_; * uuuuhhhh...gray? aaaand I give up....
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Sonny's adventure
Apr. 19th, 2009 | 01:08 am
we go to sonny's bbq for dinner and when the guy comes out to take our drink orders we ask for water
he's like..."you guys REALLY want water, I never charge for drinks, get what you want
so we get cokes. Then he takes orders and one of our friends didn't have any money and was just there for the ride
so the waiter (whose name was chad) tells him to go to the salad bar "I don't charge for the salad bar either...I don't charge for shit"
so we order our food and he starts bringing out all kinds of side dishes that we didn't even order, we got three dishes of green beans, a dish of mack and cheese, a dish of coleslaw, like four platefuls of frenchfries, two baskets of bread
and we ordered an all you can eat meat deal, so he brings out at least four pounds of meat
we eat to the point of being physically sick and then he brings to go boxes of another good 2 pounds of meat, an entire box of fries, and a slice of chocolate cake on the house
all that food and i didn't even break 12 dollars
needless to say, we gave him like a $20 tip
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A story i made up to keep lara entertained at work over aim
Apr. 17th, 2009 | 12:07 am
once upon a time there was this puppy named cletus
he wasn't a very happy puppy, because cletus was a little, let's just say slooooooooow
one day, cletus was chasing his tail in the middle of the street because it's his favorite passtime
all of a sudden, a big truck comes charging down the street at like 70 mph because the brakes went out!
Cletus was frozen in terror and couldn't do anything but stare into oncoming doom
when out of nowhere, a little kitteh jumps into the street and pushes cletus out of the way of the ever speeding truck and barely misses getting hit herself
the truck slammed into a vegetarian convention and killed everyone, as the fire blazed in the background it set a lovely mood for cletus making a new friend
"I caint thank you enough for saving mah lyfe little kitteh"
"think nothing of it cletus"
"how djew know mah nayme, kitteh? You t'aint no demon spawned from tha gapin maw o' hell iz ya?"
"why no, cletus, I'm not. Let's just say I've been watching you for some time and know a lot about you"
"alrighy den, so you know me, wut should I kall you?"
"you can call me...uh.....*glances over at table* guiness
"well, little kitteh who I shall call guiness because our author is sick of coming up with creative names already, how is it that you came to know so much about me?"
"I'm you're guardian kitten, cletus. Every retarded dog gets one"
"well shucks, lady, your just tryin to make me blush now"
"that wasn't a compliment cletus, you're mentally retarded to the point of using your bed as your bathroom"
...but that's besides the point. The point is, cletus, that I've been sent to protect you from an oncoming threat"
"wut threat, kitteh?"
"In seven days, evil robots from outer space in the form of dragon ninjas will attack your home. Only you can stop them because the aliens who build them are total dicks and we're running low at the 'chosen one' emporium"
...therefore, you have been chosen to fight them off
"Could you say that again a little slower, ms. kitteh lady ma'am?"
"big mean grrrr robots, eat your food and play with your toys without asking, you smash"
"THOSE BASTARDS!!!! I'LL DO WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE DONE!"
"Atta boy, cletus"
*insert training montage of Guiness training cletus with tools such as jump ropes, mountain hiking, and knitting*
(you know you love imagining a dog doing those things)
*six days pass*
"cletus, six days have passed and you havent finished knitting your sweater..."
"i wanted it to be a white sweater for me to wear in winter to match the snow....but its red now with all the blood i've shed through my endeavours to overcome my handicap and succeed at knitting said sweater!"
"that's sad and pretty disturbing at the same time, cletus....maybe we should just forget the knitting and move on to fighting the alien/dragon/ninja robots that will be here in less than a day!"
"I've phoned my friend Bud Light McGuyver and he's supposed to be working on a superweapon that fits our budget"
so far all we've got to work with is an expired magazine subscription to Lampshades Quarterly, some ABC gum, and three mouldy kernals of popcorn i found under the couch. So far, things are looking better than I had originally expected"
*the next day*
the alien spacecraft enters orbit and releases a barricade around Cletus and Guiness' house (theyve been living together btw and have become quite attached to each other....crazy animal sex every night...*rawr*)
"OH NOES KITTEH! WE BE TRAPPED!!!"
"shut your trap and help me put the last touches on this super weapon Bud Light With a Twist of Lime sent me (got married within the week and changed the name)
"Darn you Bud for having some assembly required!"
"now if my calculations are correct, cletus, I should simply slide slot A into crevis B and rotate ratchet C for form the 'Super Death Lazer Beam that will make the aliens run screaming like little schoolgirls and totally wet themselves with fear and never want to bother us again ray of DOOOOOOOOOOM!!! (patent pending)"
unfortunately, at that moment the alien robot ninja dragons totally bust up in da house and wrecked the place
*cue Carmina Burana as epic pre-fight music*
"You stupid alien robot dragon ninjas! you've messed with the wrong retarded dog this time!" Cletus whips around and grabs the Super Death Lazer Beam that will make the aliens run screaming like little schoolgirls and totally wet themselves with fear and never want to bother us again ray of DOOOOOOOOOOM!!! (patent pending)
"NOOOOOOO! CLEEEEETUUSS! ITS NOT REEEEEEEAAAAADYYYYYYY!!!!!"
"What do you mean, kitteh?"
"there are still some leftover screws in the bottom of the box that i have no idea where to put!"
"you silly, cat! there are always leftover parts! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!"
*Cue Duel of the Fates as Cletus Shoops da woop and FIIIIRES HIS LAAAAAAZER!!!!*
BOOM ZAP KAPOW BAZAP QUAZING ADAM WEST KABLAM POWIE squaklefeb (11:56:06 PM): http://www.superherostuff.com/OtherItem
LAZER ZAAAAAAP!
NINJA DRAGON FIRE SHURIKEN!
KAMEHAMEHA!
in the middle of the epic battle, cletus gets distraced and starts playing with his own tail
in the mean time, the evil alien robot ninja dragons eat guiness (drink?) and destroy earth
they found cletus to be so cute as he chased his tail that they decided to let him live and kept him on the mothership as a source of entertainment
cletus was never happier in his entire life then when he was chasing his tail
and he lived happily ever after...
THE END
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My thoughts on the new facebook layout
Mar. 13th, 2009 | 12:28 am
P.S. Omigosh I love you Natalie Portman, plz call me!
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This Livejournal is afraid of me....I have seen its true face
Mar. 12th, 2009 | 12:38 pm
I can't tell you how hard it is for me not to go see Watchmen again like every night. I am holding out for spring break when I can see it in Athens because unfortunately the theatre here sucks... D': *SOBSOBSOB* Tis sad indeed. So I'll just have to settle for the motion comic that I recently downloaded *squeeeee*
I have a strange craving for cold canned beans now...weird.